Mindfulness and Awareness are concepts which are related but slightly different. I find they are both relevant, in fact crucial, to understanding ourselves and making desired changes in therapy.

These concepts were best explained to me by a lama from Tibet. This teacher is a Khenpo and has studied Buddhist philosophy for decades. But the description he gave was simple.

Awareness

Imagine awareness as sitting on top of a house and noticing who comes and goes. From this vantage point, you don’t try to change or direct or control–you just notice. These visitors are thoughts. You don’t control them; you notice them. You don’t get angry when certain thoughts come; you understand the eons of experience have created habits. You want to allow them because then you can know better who automatically shows up at the door.

The house in this image is your mind. Observing without judgment, without craving or refusing. Knowing the content of your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs allows you to know yourself better. Observing with compassion and without judgement increases your knowledge of yourself.

Mindfulness

Imagine you are at the front door of the house. Now you are being selective. Without judgement about who shows up, you exercise direction and limit who gets to come in and who, with kindness and compassion, is gently not allowed in. The guard at the door is mindfulness. This requires you to notice the thoughts, but to redirect your attention to a different thought.

Mindfulness is sometimes also referred to as focused attention. With practice we become better able to let go of thoughts and emotions and keep our focus steady. We can concentrate on what we choose.

Sometimes in therapy we need awareness.

I have heard people tell me they are not angry; yet their face is red, and their hands are clenched. The anger is in their mind, but they are refusing to acknowledge it.

Sometimes it is sadness or a belief they were told was bad. They hold onto a sense of badness, so they must refuse awareness of the belief. Denying doesn’t make it go away. I have also seen this kind of denial be harmful to men who are taught anger is the only emotion allowed, and they refuse to experience the complete range of their own humanity.

In some cases, women have been forced to deny or disavow feelings to stay connected to those who have harmed them. Maybe you have heard people say, “Why does it take years for a woman to speak about abuse?”
Sometimes it’s because they have worked so hard to keep from feeling and knowing the deep and excruciating pain that goes with abuse. It can be exhausting and harmful when we must ignore painful thoughts. Awareness can be triggering. It requires a steady compassionate self-acceptance.

Sometimes in therapy we need mindfulness.

We need to purposely guard our thoughts. This doesn’t mean denying them. But it means you don’t ask it in for tea at that moment. It means you notice you are becoming anxious or angry or sad, and you calmly decide to redirect your thoughts or engage in a behavior to reduce the experience. Some activities during our day require our focus and attention, and being able to direct your focus can be a very useful skill.

Using both awareness and mindfulness.

I find in therapy that people use both awareness and mindfulness. It my job to notice what is happening and to choose the intervention that will be most helpful. Some situations require further exploration and safe elucidation.

Sometimes it’s my job to notice the distress and to direct the session to a calming and safety-enhancing activity. When this occurs. it includes noting the option to hold at that point and together decide what to do next.

Being aware of distress and deciding to further experience and process the distress or to decide to wait and to return on another day is the client’s prerogative. It is my job to notice and provide choices.